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Security Clearance 136-A file:/home/classified/employees/current/harper-owen/

Case File: #000011507724
Subject: Owen Harper (name given upon discovery; true alien identity unknown)

Was found under a yew tree as an infant and raised by two elderly female Latvian yak-herders. Believed to be either a changeling placed amongst humanity by some malevolent faerie faction in order to bring about the end of civlization via alcohol depletion, or the result of some hideous simian/amphibian DNA experiment gone horribly awry.

Being of an otherworldly nature, subject is endowed with lamentably small genitalia, although electron microscopic scans may yet yield evidence of same. Perhaps this deep-rooted envy explains why subject spends so much of his time investigating the reproductive organs of gullible but sexually attractive humans.

Threat risk: Only if you're a shot glass full of bourbon.

Recommend: Maximum surveillance, with strict containment if necessary. Subject should not be allowed to mingle amongst normal human society without the closest possible supervision, in order to prevent bankrupted public houses and an increase in Cardiff's unplanned pregnancy rate.

WARNING: FILE DELETED Authorization 136-A/#000011514686 ident. user: ianto_jones


To: "i_jones@thehub.torchwood.net"
From: "o_harper@thehub.torchwood.net"
Subject: You wanker

Alright, very funny. Really, you slay me. O my sides. You realise if you leave that rubbish in my profile, then Torchwood employees a hundred years from now might actually believe it?

Owen

To: "o_harper@thehub.torchwood.net"
From: "i_jones@thehub.torchwood.net"
Subject: Re: You wanker

> You realise if you leave that rubbish in my profile, then Torchwood employees a hundred years from
> now might actually believe it?

Who says we don't believe it now?

Profile altered. Happy now?

Ianto

To: "i_jones@thehub.torchwood.net"
From: "o_harper@thehub.torchwood.net"
Subject: Re: You wanker

*points to subject header*

Owen


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